I’m not even
entirely sure what happened or how. I had met up with another group member and
wandered up to use the ATM on the way out I headed down the stairs. Looking
down someone I hadn’t seen in a long time said hi as he was going up. It caught
me off guard and I turned my head looking up to hear his answer. My gaze
stopped dead as I looked up and instead of meeting his eyes I caught yours. It
sounds silly and you hear about it in movies, the moment when the lead
characters’ eyes meet and the entire world falls away. You see nothing but the
other person’s eyes, you hear nothing. The rest of the world stops and as
horribly cheesy as it sounds, it’s true. I saw nothing but the perfectly
pigmented hazel of your stare. I heard nothing except maybe a simple gasp from
me. I broke the connection but I could still feel you looking at me. What made
you turn your head? What made you look that way? Did you hear me talking to
Matt? I have no idea but there you are. It felt like forever. I broke it before
I had a chance to trip on the way down stairs. It’s really hard to forget
moments like that especially when the guy you have that moment with has told
you that he’s not into you. He’ll never be into you.
I walked into
the stadium and talked with some of our mutual friends. Moving to the back with
the lead of my group, I take a seat and pull out my phone only to see a text
from you. A simple smiley face, I laughed slightly and only responded with one
word. “Yes?” Then you responded with, “I didn’t really say hi, so hi.” I
laughed to myself, do you have any idea how adorable you are? I told you where
I was and that you’re more than welcome to come say a proper hello. I chilled
out and relax watching the two teams warm up talking to Jared a bit more here
and there. It was cool to finally hang out with him. I saw you walk over into
the section and look up seeing me. I pretend not to notice but I do. I watched
you keep your eyes on me as you walked up the stairs to my aisle to lean in and
hug me from behind. Your head on my shoulder I felt that rare smile creep on my
face. I was tired I had been up since 4 AM; its 7pm and I didn’t stop myself
from reaching up to touch your cheek as you hugged me. I stood up and we
talked, you showed me the tattoo along your collar. I smiled. You noticed the
dark marks on my left wrist and I laughed explaining how I tend to take notes
there when I get into a project. You suggested the same thing my ex did about
getting ink there. Not today. I know what I want my first tattoo to be. I wish
you were into me. This is when I felt the change though. Something changed. I
stopped caring as much. Stopped wanting to be the girl at your side. I love you
in a way but I’m only going to put as much effort into seeing you as you do
into me. It feels like none like you wouldn’t care if you never saw me
again. You have my number, my phones is
always on so use it and call me.
I didn't even see
you show up at the next game. Ice was behind me and it was the first time I had
spoken to him in 8 months. I will always love him a little no matter how much
of jackass he is. I told him so as well. Called him an asshole and asked how
he’d been. We laughed. He’s an alright dude and I have no beef with him
anymore. If we cross paths awesome but I will not go looking for him like I
used to. It was good to see him. Meh. He’s not you. He isn’t the dude who is
standing there next to me staring at me but then again that isn’t you either. I
was packing my bag when I heard someone call out your name, I turned and looked
seeing you I just bit my lower lip softly before double checking my gear and
tossing my bag over my shoulder. As I walked out I shot you a text saying hi.
You seemed surprised to even know I was there. I told you I would see you
tomorrow I’ll be in the area. That apparently made you happy. I shrugged and didn't think anything of it. I knew you would have that girl with you and I
would like to keep that stadium off the list of ones I’ve vomited in.
The next day
as my brother and his group of friends walked up to me and the rest of my
family his best friend waved to me. I waved back and then got confused as the
girl walking in front of them also waved at me. Once I realized who it was I
took off walking with her. My bro’s group seemed shocked that I knew her as
well. I couldn’t help but laugh as we took off walking and catching up. I
walked up to the bar with a gal pal as we crossed the street I had my head down
and sunglasses on. I saw you right away and I was trying to dig my ID out as
you tagged me on the shoulder I waved and ducked my head down as we walked into
the bar. Yea I know I kind of blew you off. I didn’t want to see you with her.
I texted you about there being extra room near you in the stadium. There was
and I still decided to stand elsewhere in the general admission section. I will
pretend that I didn’t see you turn quickly to get my attention. Pretend I
didn’t notice that group of people who were watching you as you nearly tripped
over your own feet to say hi. I will pretend you are any other dude who may
have tried to get my attention. Most importantly I will ignore how shitty it
made me feel to stand next to you but you had your back to me. I will ignore
you for now, giving my hopes of someday being that girl at your side a rest. I
won’t be tempted to run to you when I get hurt, we aren’t that close any more
even though it’s one of the safest places I know. So for now I will put my head
down, turn my music up and carry on without you.
